Sorry about being MIA

Things have been well ..rough.
Never know what's happening from day to day.
His he here and drunk then gone and in detox then back and drunk then in rehab then thrown out for being drunk and and then back into detox and today thrown out again.
This all just happened in the past week.

Looking for a mediator, think I have found one.
Going for separation, I will have a normal life and be able to give my kids more stability than this.
Wish me luck.

just updating..

So there have been good days and bad.
Last Thursday was just another awful day, he really pushed me to a point of looking into a separation.
I have known what that means regarding the kids, I have been told he would be banned from seeing the kids for 5 years.
It was time that he was made aware of that too and he was last week.
I said it in a calm way making him understand his actions and not in a screaming wanting to start an argument way which is what I would have done a few months back..thank goodness for Al-anon.

He is still to sick with his virus type cold to start back in Portage, he has tried.. they just keep saying no wait till you get better.
So we are still not getting paid by his insurance company because it's based on him being in Portage and nothing else despite the doctors notes he has.

Things this week have been a little better, as far as he has been trying to help more, not sure if he is drinking or not..if he is he is waiting till we all go to bed.
Feeling a little stressed dealing with stuff plus his car that I have been driving since he killed mine and lost his drivers license is really playing up..not sure how long it's going to last before it completely dies...that's adding to my stress levels!

Things that are good, well I am blessed with two wonderful kids.
My business is going well, I got another client last week and start work on his house this week.
I am so grateful that my business worked out (well so far it has), it gives me the flexibility to work when the kids are at school and daycare and be back for them when they finish.
Also blessed with great friends, I am trying to make time occasionally to get out for a couple of hours now and again and enjoy myself.

Ok, let's see what the rest of the week holds for us.

Drinking again..

What can I say..?
After I cancel the babysitters for the kids so I can go to my Tues night Al-anon meeting I see J at the dinner table acting strange.
I ask him if he is drinking, he denies it. Just then my 2 y old daughter reaches for his glass and he stops her. I ask what's the issue if it's just juice and so he gives her the glass to drink. I saw her face and then I knew it was not just juice, I pick up the glass and it's about99% vodka with a splash of juice to colour. I further remind him of the no drinking rule.

He has been delaying going back into rehab due to a really bad cold he has, he is just not getting better. It's no surprise, he does not take care of himself or eat properly.
The insurance company now know he is at home and have stopped our money.
I can't freakin believe it...we need this money to survive. My wages are not enough.
I will use my money if necessary but this money is my lifeline, I have to keep saving so that at some point me and the kids will have a choice about a futures.

He told me tomorrow he will go back to he portage day program, I hope so.

This week..

Whoa, I don't even know where to begin.

J came back earlier this week, he told me everything that had happened over the last few days and I did not sleep a wink.

It ended up that he had really immersed himself in the whole getting to know what addicts do...addict lifestyle while downtown.

I think one of them slipped something into a drink he had, he was unable to get out of bed in the dirt hole he was staying in and was having uncontrollable shaking and convulsions for 30 hours.
His heart nearly stopping and then racing and cycling like that for hours and hours. He finally managed to get out of bed and get downstairs and get someone to call for an ambulance while he slipped in and out of consciousness.
At hospital they had him hooked to everything, I am not sure they ever found out what it was before they let him go (they needed the bed).

Anyway he is back home and has arranged to start Portage again next week.
I am now not sure this program is for him, I just think he needs some bloody good psychiatric care.

J in hospital

So he just called, I expected that he was calling from the train station but no.
He was calling from the hospital where he did his detox, he said that he had been shaking for days.

The hospital say he has contracted some kind of virus.
I asked him of that was something from the booze or his cold and he thinks it was his cold or the disgusting place he was staying at.

We'll know more once they have run more tests, he will be staying there for now.

Chairing Tuesday, J update

So in last weeks Al-anon meeting it was decided that the group inventory would move to the 27th so my chairing date moved a week earlier and is now this Tuesday.

Gulp...something usually comes to mind but this time I am struggling a little.
I thought maybe doing something on acceptance or decisions???
I am praying for some inspiration.

J called he wants to come home, his stint of being downtown has left him with the flu. He could not get in any of the homeless shelters and managed to find a cheap hotel.
I told him he can come back if he is a not drunk, drinking or in withdrawal. I stated we are not a detox or rehab and cannot look after him...we are his family and if he wants to stay sober he can stop here whilst doing the day program downtown.
I just cope so much better when he is not here, I think I have to practice detachment with love again as I feel like I am lumping him and the disease together again...it's hard not to though when it looks like he just doesn't want to get better.

We'll see what next week brings..

Drinking again..

So he was a back a matter of hours before he hit the bottle again.
This morning was a nightmare, I asked him to pack his bags and leave.

I hate to throw him out on the streets and I hope he will get a bed at the salvation army or at the mission downtown.
He is waaay to sick for us to deal with and I cannot have him live here.

I wish him the best, maybe the Portage day program will take pity on him and let him start earlier than next Wednesday.

I have to pick myself up and dust myself off and just get back to how I was feeling last week.